He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
