The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
