you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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