my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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