There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
