You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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