She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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