is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
