i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
