I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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