I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
