Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
