I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
