1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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