It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
