I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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