There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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