she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
