Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
