Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
