Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
