I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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