Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
