hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
