I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
