I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
