I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
