my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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