I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
