12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
