you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
