It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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