oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
We got so high we made milksteak
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
