So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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