im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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