last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
