is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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