If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
