Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
