Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
