Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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