worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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