Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
