i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
