just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
