walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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