The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
