Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
