I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So drunk its hurt
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
