did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
