i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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