I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
