I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
