question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
