Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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