i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
