guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
