so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
