if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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