Jerry, you need to find god
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
