After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
