His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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