I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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