you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
