he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
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