well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
