it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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