i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
