I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
