He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
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She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
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Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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