Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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