its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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