you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
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