I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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