I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
