Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I smell like Dick and happiness
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
