You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
