you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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